I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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