He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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