I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
