Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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