if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
