Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
