Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Randomize
