i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
