i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
