Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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