: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
