so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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