All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Apparently you make a good broom.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
