Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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