i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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