I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
