id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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