all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
