***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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