I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
