literally had 100 drinks last night.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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