kristin has been a bad kristin
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
