Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
They took my balls.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
