I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wish I only lived at night.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
