I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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