We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
