youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
