Tell her she can't have a vagina
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
