Whod you bang
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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