i think i have two assholes
I cut my penus on the lid.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you never un-have a 4some
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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