I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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