this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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