You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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