ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
