I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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