Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
