Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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