um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
