I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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