she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
