I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
