Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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