Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
