I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
