i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
