so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
