the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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