Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
