i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
3pm strippers are depressing
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
