Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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