dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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