just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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