I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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